What would you do when a cute, sweet-ass person wants to meet up but is not seeking a long-term relationship? It’s like someone asking you, “Would you like to have a free $20 bill to spend now, or would you like to leave it?” Some of my recent partners were solely looking for hook-ups (one actually was looking for an LTR but I later noticed that he is a jumper, meaning, I could see that even in a relationship, he would be the type to cheat…ugh potential problems). At the time of this blog’s first draft, it has been 10 hours since my last hook-up. This last person was probably my 13th or 14th person I hooked up with (I later confirmed he was my 16th). It was now that I realize that I am a slut.
My first sexual experience occurred when I was very young. No, it wasn’t an abusive one, but one with a person very close to my age, 20 days younger as a matter of fact, who mutually wanted to engage in the sexual act with me. Up until high school, I only had three partners that I experimented with. Growing up, I learned that sex feels (and smells) good, but in the same time, I discouraged myself from having too many hook-ups in fear of being labeled a slut.
As with my friends, hearing about
so-and-so being a slut had me raise the question on why would someone
ever want to sleep with so many people and be at risk of being labeled
the s-word. Don’t get me wrong, sex is GOOD. The meeting of the
person, evaluating his/her hotness, feeling the first kiss, foreplay,
kiss, foreplay, kiss, oral, kiss, prep, sex, kiss, sex, and then shower
(and then eat waffles). Indeed, there is a spectrum between abstinence
and sluttiness that is defined by the amount of sex one has during a
period of time. The sluttiness index could also be measured by the
number of partners you had in a lifetime. However one wants to define
it, its central concern is sex.
Wikipedia defines slut as a term applied to an individual who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous. As I read this, I realize that I may be at risk of being a slut. Do my friends know I slept with their best friends? Does my mom know that I open my legs to several cute Asian boys, and they to me?
Let us assume that I am indeed a full-blown slut. Should I and other sluts be looked down upon? What’s wrong with having several partners and being sexually active? As I ponder this question, images of friends pop into my mind. These were friends that were given the label “slut” by others because of their “loose sexual morals.” They have somewhat of a promiscuous lifestyle which society discourages. However with today’s hook-up culture and ever-changing values, I think it is okay to see a few people here and there. But at the same time, I also believe that one must be cognizant of society holding onto conservative values.
Just like a person avoiding someone because he has the flu, some people avoid sluts in the "true love" scene. Some people are afraid to date the slut because he will be just another sex partner (unless the person is looking for a hook-up as well, that slut). Some may want to avoid the slut because he may have a disease or infection. Even the sound of the word carries vague, negative connotations. When someone blindly slanders another with the word, bystanders automatically too have vague, negative judgments of the person.
Over the years, I have heard the word slut labeled onto friends, crushes, and acquaintances. Have you as well? Maybe you heard the gossip about Max seeing Jenna after seeing Stephanie last week. Maybe Max is someone you had a crush on and thus ask your best friend if your crush is worth meeting up with. After a gasp by your confidante, you hear that your crush is a motherfucking slut. I have heard it so many times from so many mouths. However, I have heard it in only one condescending tone— a tone that only highlights the negative stigma of people involved with today’s hook-up culture.
Entering college, with benefits such as freedom from parents, more open-minded people, more sexy people, and your own room (yeah sex!), my personal question “Am I a Slut?” lingered in my head daily. During my freshman and sophomore years, I didn’t consider myself sexually active. If I ever engaged in sex, I would consider myself lucky (I had relatively low self-esteem during that time and was still uncomfortable with the queer community) and would be the type that would make little efforts to find a partner.
However, as time went on and began searching and putting myself out there, I realize how receptive most people are, how easily I can find “quick” love, and learned that I AM ugly AND beautiful at the same time, that I do love AND hate hook-ups. As my number of partners grew, I realized that I TOO can easily become a slut. But is my enjoyment and “seeking” activities enough for anyone, including myself, to appropriately label me as a slut?
I pondered this question and my current relationship values, and you know what, I don’t think I am a slut. It is by human nature and today’s hook-up culture that I continue to seek out cute boys. Yeah, I hook-up a lot, but underneath it all, I am looking for a long-term relationship. Yeah, Grindr and the other hook-up apps/websites may not be the best place to find LTR’s, but queer people have more barriers to overcome than their straight counterparts, one of which is knowing whether the other person of interest is queer as well. Hook-up apps take away that barrier since everyone on that app is queer, allowing me to take the first step of saying “Hi!” instead of asking “are you gay?”
With that said, if you think my 16 hook-ups are enough to label me as a slut, feel free to tease me. Call me (maybe ... I love that song) and say it over the phone, or better yet, say it to me in person. Give me your address, and I’ll come over (send me photos first) to your place to make you my 17th person. But I’d like you to consider my values before labeling me a slut. I AM looking for a long-term relationship, but until that happens, I enjoy hook-ups, and when that happens, my hook-ups will likely end. Before labeling someone as a slut, ask yourself this: “Can you label someone slutty if all he is seeking is a long-term relationship?”
