Monday, June 4, 2012

Stuck

"It can be pretty frustrating when I am trying to create some new ideas for a shoot but come up with nothing. Sometimes I just can’t seem to get things flowing as I think about how to express my own vision and angle ... even worse, as I’m starting to notice, is having several ideas in your mind but failing to execute them. My pictures often turn out below my expectations because of my limited ability or conditions that I can’t control. I took dozens of pictures the past week but I wasn’t too pleased with most of them." Photo and caption credit: Elias Quan


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                 When he got back to his dorm he couldn’t walk in a straight line. He wanted to talk to someone, so he went inside Robbie’s room. Robbie was from old money. He always wore a dress shirt and carried around a fifty-dollar umbrella on rainy days. He sat down on Robbie’s bed.
                 “What’s up, Austin? Did you want to talk?” Robbie asked tentatively. 
                 “Yeah, sure. I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m wasting my time here studying English instead of studying something practical like biology or economics… my parents are paying 40,000 dollars a year for me to go to 10 AM classes almost comatose…I just want to write or something for a living… I don’t want to sit at a desk and do peoples’ taxes like my mom or build things like my dad…And I feel just kind of useless because I don’t really have close friends here—just sorta friends, and in-the-middle friends…I wake up every day trying to be productive but I see myself just watching videos over Youtube every night until 2AM… and sometimes I lie down and I’m tired but I can’t sleep… I feel like a vegetable, pinned to my mattress by my sheets…I can’t wait any longer for tomorrow to start… and I feel like I can’t connect to anyone close to me… I just end up judging them… and it’s hard for people to be excited about me… maybe I should just go home like my sister and everything will be alright… I won’t feel like I’m wasting anyone’s money… and I can get a job and maybe an apartment…”