Race Matters

Guest Post

            I firmly believe that anybody is, first and foremost, a unique person with their own attributes. We don't look at ourselves in the mirror and think, "I am this race, I am this sexuality, I am this gender, I am this socially-created group." We are all people, and we all need respect from each other. This is undeniable and necessary. It is precisely because we are all people and because we all need respect from each other that race matters.

            

            I say that race matters because some people think that it does not matter any more in America. Race does matter because it very often accurately predicts the prejudiced attitudes that people of a certain race will face in their lives. Race matters because some people still use it to discriminate unfairly against others. Humans judge others, especially strangers, based on how they look, so if I look Asian, others will judge me as an Asian. It just happens by human nature. It is possible that everybody will change how they perceive people and see others as individuals first, but it'll still be human nature for people to judge others by how they look. Some people think that the Civil Rights Movement put an end to racism. It's more accurate to say that the Civil Rights Movement put an end to racism being politically correct. Racism is such a scary word to say now. You hear it and your mind automatically thinks, "Oh no! Not me! I'm not racist!" like a reflex. All I mean by the word "racism" is simply people assuming things about other people because of their race in a disrespectful way. I have assumed things about other people because of their race in a disrespectful way too. Haven't we all? I'm trying to put an end to not only racism but all prejudice in my life, and I hope that you do too. Racism still exists in America, even in the tolerant San Francisco Bay Area, and I know because I have experienced it here as a receiver. Racism doesn't manifest as explicitly as it did in the past, and that is why some people mistakenly claim that racism does not exist in America anymore. One of my friends who staunchly believes that racism doesn't exist anymore in America is white, but I don't take his word for it because he has likely faced much less racial prejudice in his life than individuals of other races. People don't say racial slurs in public as much as they used to, but many people still harbor assuming, disrespectful attitudes toward others. It's less obvious that there is racism going on compared to the past. Nevertheless, racism continues in subtle ways.

            The first time that I remember feeling self-conscious about my Asian race was in 6th grade. I played cello in the school orchestra, and my orchestra teacher once said, "Why do so many Asians join orchestra?" Our orchestra consisted of mostly Asian students in a mostly white school. Some of the other Asian students thought about the question and guessed that it was their parents who got them started playing a stringed instrument. My teacher later "concluded" that they were right. I know this isn't exactly a tar-and-feathers story, but, as an 11-year old, I felt very self-conscious in that moment. I suddenly felt like everyone was looking at me and thinking, "You're Asian. You're just like all the other Asians. You don't fit in anymore." You could say this was when I became aware of how I appeared racially to the world. Every Asian kid has to go through this at some point, but it felt like someone added a weight to my existence, as if my loaded backpack wasn't already enough.

            In either my freshman or sophomore year of high school, as I walked by my school's gymnasium, I saw a student leaning against the wall with a guitar in his hands, like he was in between playing songs. As I walked by, he started playing that stereotypically "Oriental" riff. Those 9 racially-charged notes made me feel really upset and self-conscious. Couldn't he tell that I was born and raised in America just like him? What made me so different that I had to be harassed by his racist guitar tunes?

            At the end of my junior year in high school, I tried out for my school's competitive civics team for my upcoming senior year. The audition consisted of preparing a 3-5 minute speech answering a civics-related question followed by answering a handful of impromptu civics-related questions. The current senior year civics team helped the civics team teacher watch and evaluate these try outs. Well, I overheard one of the senior team members talking about the try outs with his friends one day. I especially overhead him say, "I haven't seen anyone exceptional yet except Michelle. I'm tired of seeing so many passive Asians." I was passive. I was Asian. He was probably talking about me. I will always be Asian, but I won't always be passive--I know that now. Back then, however, all of my insecurities were tied up together like a yarn ball. You will try to unravel it, but there are bound to be relentless knots that make it extremely difficult to see the yarn in an untangled, organized fashion. I was insecure about many things, but in that moment my lack of assertiveness and my Asianness were 2 big insecurities. I felt like I might always be a passive pushover because of my race. Maybe that was just who I was and it was time that I accepted it instead of unsuccessfully trying to improve myself.

            I went to a prestigious 4-year college and joined a mostly white social fraternity. I joined partly because I wanted to transcend my race--I didn't want to believe that my race meant that I was any different from other people--so I acted like I wasn't even Asian and that I just happened to be in an Asian body. I was born and raised in America, so wasn't I like any other white person?

           
            I once overhead one fraternity brother talking with another brother about Asian girls' bodies. The gist of the conversation was that Asian girls are unattractive, and they were laughing so hard because they found it funny that Asian girls' bodies were so unattractively shaped. "Have you ever seen an Asian girl with a body shaped like this? Oh my god, haha." Well, I was still extremely passive at the time and didn't say anything to call them out for making generalizations about people and instead became extremely flustered because I felt like I couldn't command the respect of them even if I tried to call them out (maybe I was right, I was a big pushover then and didn't respect myself). Still, that moment made me really upset.

            Another fraternity brother mocked Asian people by imitating a Japanese person speaking poor English. He would mix up the Rs and Ls in arr his wolds so that he wourd sound so fleaking hirarious. "Rook, I'm an Asian!" He pretended to be Asian people of all kinds--he didn't even discern that there are different Asian races--with that faux Japanese accent. His mockery spread like wildfire in the fraternity, and so many fraternity "brothers" imitated his racist attempts at humor. Again, I was really passive, and I never said anything about it. I thought that if I spoke out against them they would just say, "Come on, we're just having fun. Don't get your panties in a bunch. Don't be such a fun sucker." I didn't know what to say to that. I didn't know how to respect myself and my values over fitting in with people who don't share the same values. I just wanted to fit in. I wanted to be cool and popular. I just wanted to be another brother, not an outcast, so I didn't say anything. I would not join that fraternity being the person that I am now and knowing what I know about those people now.

            In my third year of college, I thought I wanted to be a management consultant, so I started preparing for recruiting season. My college had a career counselor specifically for the business majors, and he helped me think about my motivations, how to gain relevant experience, and how to ultimately get hired. This whole time, I was going through an identity crisis--I was a business major realizing that he never would be happy or thrive in the world of business--and I often changed my mind about which career path to go down. I would want to go into consulting one week, and the next week I would want to go into marketing. I never followed up on some advice or pursued business opportunities with persistence because I was beginning to sense that I didn't want to even enter the business world. I think I came off as being severely passive and afraid to pursue what I wanted because my career counselor once said to me, after we had run into each other unexpectedly, in a way that sounded like he thought I was not seeing something so obvious: "Why can't you be more assertive and persist in getting the things that will help you? Why don't you follow up with Shelly about that pro-bono consulting program that you didn't get into and ask how you can be a better candidate next time? I know that you're Asian and come from an Asian household, but it will really help you." As well-intentioned as that advice was, it caught me completely off guard. I've honestly reflected on that time in my life, and I wasn't being passive. My self-knowledge at the time kept hinting to me that my beliefs and values would make me unhappy in the business world until it became an epiphany, and I purposely didn't follow up with a lot of business opportunities because I increasingly realized that I didn't want to follow them. And then, my career counselor claimed that I was being passive and implied that it was because I was Asian. It's so insulting when someone assumes that you are a certain way because of your race. Maybe he was right--maybe the household culture that my parents raised me in encouraged me to be passive--but it's not necessary to inextricably tie a race to a negative attribute. While my career counselor was giving me his advice, I started getting more and more upset to the point that I didn't even hear what he was saying any more. I eventually just said good bye and never solicited his advice again.

            I am over seeing people through a primarily racial lense. I prefer to see a person as their unique self, who is also this race or that race or several races. I purposely didn't mention the race of people in my anecdotes because I don't think it matters that much. What matters is the content of their character, like Martin Luther King, Jr., believed.

            The only reason that race should matter is so that we can understand and appreciate the racial prejudices that someone has likely had to experience. Once we really feel the hardship someone has had to experience because of racial prejudice, we should do everything in our power to not perpetuate that prejudice. That means stopping ourselves and others from letting the prejudice go unchallenged. What kind of racial prejudice do you think a black person has had to experience? How about a Hispanic? Or a Middle Easterner? Even a white person? Remembering the anecdotes that I described still make me get teary eyed and upset (I am 22). They are like scabs that I am trying to peel off; hopefully, one day, it won't hurt at all to remember these moments. It takes a very strong person to overcome their insecurities completely, and I imagine that we all have moments when we wish that we were stronger. Racial prejudice and all other kinds of prejudice damage the receiver's confidence; I know because the stories I wrote about only made me doubt myself more. Humans need confidence to thrive in all facets of their life--romantically, socially, personally, professionally, and more. When we harbor disrespectful attitudes toward other people because of their race, we are hurting them in every facet of their life.

            I want to see people judge others by the content of their character, not by their race. I want to see people treat everyone with respect, even if they don't like them. Our races are like sports teams. Maybe we boast about how our team is doing well, but it's all for fun. There should never be disrespect. There should never be hate. Never. We are our own referees. There is no one except ourselves to give ourselves and each other the necessary discipline to respect each other and play fairly. So let's do the right thing. Let's judge ourselves by how well we respect each other. Life is not a competition. Life is not a race.