I have found a surefire, 100% free, drug-free way to happiness, and I want to share it with you.
First, though, I want to give you an idea of the kind of person I am. I am nearly 22 years old and graduated with a B.S. degree from the prestigious undergraduate business program of a prestigious 4-year university . I am an introvert, and I thrive on solitude and intimate (not necessarily sensual) moments. I easily feel pooped in large social gatherings. I sometimes worry a lot and make big mountains out of molehills. I'm a guy, but I'm not your stereotypical American man. I don't follow sports, aside from the occasional Olympics or Super Bowl viewing, and I'm not even good at most of them. I'm not good with girls, either, at least historically. I'm not the most charming, cute, or handsome man out there. I don't have a lot of money or the latest fashions. My net worth is still negative. When I work out, I still don't get as strong or as ripped as other guys. I don't drink beer with "my buddies" all the time, and I'm not a fanatic about hunting, shooting, diving, fishing, backpacking, or any other manly and outdoors activity. I'm Asian. I do Polynesian dance in my free time. I now work at about $10/hour on an ambulance as an EMT. I live at home with my parents.
As you can see, I don't fit the picture of what it means to be successful as a recent college graduate. And yet, I am happy. How?
To put it simply, I have come to terms with the kind of person I am and embrace it fully. I know that I am an introvert; I know that I prefer to take life slowly and calmly; I know that I don't have to be the loudest and make the wittiest comments or funniest jokes in a group conversation; I know that I like to think things through and make good points instead; I still like to be interested in others' lives and in the world and to enjoy life; I like to have fun with whatever I am doing; I like being able to laugh and smile about things with people; I like enjoying the moment; I know that I like to talk and connect with people in more intimate settings; I like getting enough rest and taking care of my body; I know that I want to pursue careers and hobbies because I am passionate about them; I know that I want one of my purposes in life be loving my family, friends, and people in general; I know that I want to live an explored life full of mistakes and turns but that will eventually make me a wiser, experienced, and courageous person; I know exactly what kind of person I am and want to be, and I find comfort in that.
Conversely, I know that I don't have to be any other kind of person, and that is a relief. I know that I don't have to get a PhD, become a doctor, lawyer, management consultant, accountant, investment banker, or future CEO to be happy with myself. I don't base my self-worth on academic degrees or job titles as much as I used to. I don't have to be an extrovert or the most popular person to be content.
The strongest argument against what I am preaching is that I won't make as lucrative a living as if I had "stayed on track" to become a doctor, CEO, lawyer, etc. But at that point, you have to ask yourself--will I be making enough money to live the life that I want if I do this other career that I'm interested in? There's no clear answer, but my instincts tell me that I will be able to make enough money while still pursuing an alternative career that I am intrinsically interested in, even if I make less money. I value my time, especially time to spend with my family and friends and pursue other interests, more than that extra money I will make if I pursue a career as a doctor, lawyer, or CEO.
One of my favorite feelings is when I just wake up from a nap or a restful sleep and my mind is completely clear. I don't have any worries or concerns during these times, and I just want to love others and enjoy life.
That is what I mean when I say that I am happy.
These days, I am very aware of when I feel stressed, worried, or nervous. It feels like I have to do something, or else something extremely terrible will happen. I feels like I am rushing. I am definitely not calm, and I cannot genuinely say that I am happy or content. I think we all know when we are stressed or worried.
I know there are various ways to overcoming these nerves. One of my friends does qi gong and meditates. I like deep breathing, naps, and sleep; I have not been too successful with meditation yet, but I do qi gong occasionally. Bikram yoga is amazing too, but it can get expensive. There are likely other ways to slow down and achieve this mental calmness. Whatever you choose to do, try slowing yourself down mentally until you are calm and at peace with yourself.
It is great to become so calm like this because, in short, it makes all facets of your life better. You will become more confident in yourself and trust yourself more. You will become more courageous because of who you are already and will not need to seek self-worth from external sources. You will probably find that more people will respect you and want to be with you. You will probably find it easier to talk with people you're attracted to. You will take more chances to get what will really make you happy and will not as frequently follow conventional advice just because it is the safe and conventional thing to do. Hopefully, if you are into traveling, you will travel to your heart's desire before you start a family. You will look your fears in the eye and know when they are exaggerated. You will find it easier to act compassionately towards others. You will find it easier to laugh and smile. Hopefully, you will make spending and enjoying your time now (really, now, not tomorrow) with your family and friends one of your highest priorities. You will not get phased by people saying mean things to you, cutting you off in traffic, or any other "potential threats"; in general, your attitude will shift so that you will see the world less as a threat to you than as a world for you to show compassion and love to. You will tend to assume people are innately good. You will feel less rushed or not rushed at all. People might look at you and think, "Wow, that person looks really calm and relaxed. I want to be like them." All your worries will feel nonexistent or at least trivial. Nothing will feel too serious. Hopefully, you will also be interested in others' lives and the world. Hopefully you will still want to have fun with everything you do.
It is funny because, 8 months ago, a friend told me essentially everything I have written here, with all the fervor that I have tried to instill in your mind, and it has taken me those 8 months to finally experience this calm and happiness myself. It is really about knowing exactly what kind of person you are and what makes you happy and loving yourself for it. And for me, whenever I am worried about something, taking the time to slow down, not rush, and just know that I don't have to do anything or be anyone except who I already know I am frees up my mind to care more about others and the world.
My most practical advice for getting to know yourself is to take about 1 hour everyday to think about what makes you happy; what makes you feel bad; what you would do if money and prestige weren't considerations; what your fears are; what you would do if you didn't have those fears; what kind of people you feel comfortable around and admire; what kind of people you don't like to be around; what kind of situations you don't like to be in; what inspires you; what bugs the hell out of you; what you like to read about; what movies books, songs, and sayings move you; what kind of life you want; what kind of person you want to be; what kind of person you are; what kind of person you are not; and all those big life purpose questions. I think we all know what kind of people we are, deep down; sometimes we are afraid to admit it, though.
Know yourself, and make your world fit you. Don't mold yourself to fit the world. This is where your happiness starts.
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